My Guardian Angel - 8/19/2012

A year ago today was the last time I saw my mom. I got home from work around 5am on August 19, 2011 only a few days my mom was told she didn't have long to live after being diagnosed with stage four cancer. After hearing this, day after day she got worse and worse. After going to bed, I woke up around 10am when my sister was taking her kids to do something for school. I told my mom and dad that if they needed anything to call and let me know, I then went back to bed. The day went on, nurses came in to see her and finally hospice came and convinced her to go to their facility so they can make her comfortable she agreed to go and around 10 she left and the condition she was in, I just couldn't bear to see her. At 12:01am on August 20, 2011 my mom passed away. My family fell apart. My mom was our rock, she knew how to do EVERYTHING. She balanced our books, took care of my sick dad, took care of her kids, grandkids and more. So in the following months we all didn't know how to get by and honestly I look back and don't remember the following 6 months after that. I was in such a haze that nothing really stuck.

This kind of brings me to the point of my writing. It's seemed that we've had a new angel somewhere for us. I don't know if there is a God or Heaven. I'm not saying there's not, I just don't know. But I just know that my mom's spirit, or being, or even just the thought of her, is guiding us to amazing things.

I don't know how but we ended up renovating and moving into our new house in December, but we did. I had a 3.8 GPA in my first semester back in school in 3 years (my mom wanted nothing more than me to finish school). I also finally have a full time, good paying job, a second job doing something I love (being a concert promoter) and more.

That, and many other examples, just gives the idea that my mom is my, and my family's guardian angel looking down on us and helping take care of us like she does so well. I love her so much and miss her even more. I can't believe it's been a year already.

That's all I've gotta say today. Good day!

Turning Point - May 11, 2012

Instead of clogging up people's timelines or twitter feeds I need to vent and/or rant here. The whole "positivity" blog I started back in January was a good idea. The whole idea was, my life isn't perfect but I'm going to take something out of every day and make it amazing and find the good in everyday alive. And I have been. But lately I've been feeling like I've been trudging through mud. I know this all stems from the fact that I should be graduating from college in a week with some kind of diploma. But the fact of the matter is I'm stuck. Making little progress but, in all essence, staying in one spot.

I got back to school in the fall and because I was dedicated to not being one of those people who took time off from school and fell behind. So, I tried as hard as I could and got 3 As and a B+, a 3.8 GPA. This semester that finished yesterday I had 2 As and a B. And still, I am stuck without a degree and any sign of one coming in the near future.

Call it what you want, arrogance or confidence, I know I was meant for great things. But at the same time, I feel like I'm also destined to always have these insurmountable obstacles in my way. And yes, while I still preach and believe my whole 'unstoppable' mantra, it seems to just be getting frustrating that I'm the only one singing along.

I guess I'm just upset because I see all these people that I graduated high school with and entered college with graduating and starting their professional lives meanwhile I'm still stuck at 'GO' even though I am dreaming much, much bigger. Without sounding like a Disney musical, I know that as long as I dream it I can do it... "I believe I can fly...." but it's so frustrating seeing everyone get what they want and go where they're destined and it seems my "destiny" is to wait for a miracle.

XLVII - 2/29 - 3/5

Hey guys. So I think I might be wrapping up this experiment. Not because I gave up thinking positivity, but because my life is getting too hectic to do it. Which is good. I know some people read it quite often... some even from Russia (?) but I just have been spreading myself too thin. And by too thin I mean I do a lot and don't have time to write about it on the blog. I do want to take time to write about my unstoppable philosophy and, ironically, that may be my final post on this blog. I won't delete it but I just will slow down the posts.

SO this isn't the end. But it is near. Thanks for reading everyone :)

XLVII - Feb 28

I got home from work at 4 am. I had class at 9:30. Not only was I there ON TIME but I was there early. Don't ask me how, aside from the fact that I am awesome like that. Also! I only went to school because my second class, world religion had a quiz and well, I aced it. So, well worth it. And even though I was exhausted at school and just wanted to sleep and I complained most of the time, I'm proud of myself for doing it. Tomorrow is our "bonus" day as a world. Leap day. Maybe I can do something special. We'll see :)

XLVI - Feb 27

So. I could tell so many stories about this god forsaken day. But it would take far too long. Maybe I'll start a video blog after this. It'd be easier to update, maybe. Anyway, to sum it up, I worked 20 hours STRAIGHT, standing the whole time. But made a great impression and great money. Who could ask for anything more?

XLV - Feb 26

So this day was my work day. Daytona 500. Except there was no race because it rained. And rained. But! I got paid for being there and got paid for being there the NEXT day 2 days of work when I originally only had one. I'll take it!

XLVI - Feb 26

I feel like a bad blogger but my life has been occupying my time, not this blog. This day I got my family ready for their Daytona 500 party the next day, had an amazing dinner. No complaints from me :)

XLIII - Feb 24

So that day I just hung out with the family. I was gonna maybe go out, maybe have company, ended up with none of the above and it actually didn't bother me :)

XLII - Feb 23

Today is a great day, my birthday. As much as I dislike facebook in certain ways, I was happy to see all these different people that I've met over my lifetime wish me a happy birthday, it really meant a lot. I also want to note that my mom and my aunt are no longer able to say it; though I know in some say they are looking down and saying it. But I really miss my mom.

Alright well, I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of my day with my family. Take it easy :)

XLI - Feb 22

Played a show with Rob again. This time with some friends; Lawson from PA and Dave from Florida. Not the best show but I'm not the best. But I did a great job and had a good time and that's all that matters. Oh. and Today (23rd) is my birthday so I'll talk about that in a minute.

XL - Feb 21

I had class. Did great like usual. I'm sorry for failing this. But I'm going to keep posting in this blog until day 100. That's what's up. Sorry! haha

XXXVIII - Feb 20th

So. Monday, I don't really remember what happened... I'm sorry I've been neglecting this blog. But I've been keeping busy. But it should be known that by keeping busy and making moves, I am achieving my goal and positivity reign supreme :)

XXXVII - Feb 19th

Yesterday I watched even more Boy Meets World. That show just makes me happy. Reminds me of a simpler time, I guess. Nonetheless, I spent a simple, stress free day with the family. And yeah, I get lonely but it's ok. I know I'm better than all those other people. Yeah. Haha.

"I'm born to lose but built to win."

I got all the right tools, my friends.

XXXV - Feb 18

Spent all day watching Boy Meets World. This show is my favorite. But there is a backlash. That I don't have a girl like Topanga and I'm past the place in my life to be awkward and cute with anyone. I only had one girlfriend in high school, so far I'm striking out in college... I dunno. Just frustrating. But. this is a positivity blog.

I did enjoy sharing the Boy Meets World with ALL my nieces and nephews. It made me happy that we all sat down and watched like 12 episodes today. So. Even though I'm bummed by my loneliness right now, all in all I'm ok :)

XXXV - Feb 17

I finished my student observation hours and found out that I can apply to be a substitute teacher. So I am in that process now. Hoping to land a job. It'll get me in front of a class environment, it will be cash so... lots of positives. I was feeling so good so I got the guts to ask a girl out, which I'm shy and awkward so this is a big deal, and she flat out ignored the question. Ohwells. Like I said in an earlier post. Love me or leave me alone, ya dig?

XXXIV - Feb 16

Played another open mic with Rob. Hung out with someone from school and her friends too. Had some drinks and talked and had a good time. Who could ask for anything else? Love the people around you :)

XXXIII - Feb 15

Um... I don't really remember this day. I know I went and played an open mic with Rob, did really well, drank a bit and came home. But I enjoyed playing the show. So we'll leave it at that :)

XXXII - February 14th - Valen-crap Day

So. Yesterday was as much of a roller coaster as I anticipated. Dad had a lady friend come over, which my family and I weren't comfortable with. Someone else with my dad. No, sir. I know dad needs a companion. And I think my family would be more receptive if she was respectful to our family. Long story short, there was an argument, tears and a general unpleasant feeling in my house. But we got a lot of emotions out yesterday. Emotions that all my family has had repressed. We're not healed. But we're healing.

My family is very tight knit. It's not typical. It's dysfunctional. It's crazy. But it works for us. And I know that as long as we have each other we will make it through every hurdle.

XXXI - Feb 13th - The World Is Yours

Today was pretty chill. Did some babysitting, hung with the family again. Pretty chill but it was my last day off for like 4 days straight, maybe more if I can swing it. Tomorrow I have 3 classes, then band practice, then coming home for something rather interesting, I'm sure. Wednesday I am playing an open mic in St. Augustine which I may be also auditioning for another gig. Thursday, a gig in Deland, FL and in class. Friday, student teaching. Seriously, I am loving my life right now and all the opportunities that are before me and I intend to thoroughly engage every last one of them. Why? Cause I'm young and I have the world in front of me. It's like one of my favorite movies says, "You be happy with what you got. Me? I want what's coming to me... The world and everything in it."

That's a Scarface quote. While I don't agree with the cocaine cartel aspect; I believe in taking the world for everything it's got. Here I come.

XXX - February 12th

Yesterday was about as relaxing as a day with my family can get. And I just loved it. I watched some TV, hung out, talked to my family, did a few errands. It was just a great day. It made me realize that, yes, keeping active is important, but taking one day to just relax and plan your next move. That being said, have a great day. I'll post about the 13th soon. :)

XXIX - February 11th

Well, Saturday got me thinking. I had work training for the Daytona 500, where I will be working in the parking lots. The past few years I've been working various job and it's gotten me very upset about not being able to hold a steady job and while it doesn't help everything with me financially, it made me think. I've seen and I've done so many things that I would never have done if it weren't for these random jobs. Working for the US Census, in a parking garage, etc. Sure, some of these jobs have been so mind-numbing that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. But the thought of what I'd be doing otherwise... really I have no idea. I've put myself in this situation. I was in NJ with my band, I got a call to work at a restuarant in Florida. What if I was home when that happened? I would have taken the job. I would have not traveled the north east with my band, have a bunch of great times, learn a lot.....

Have no regrets people. Your past makes you who you are.

XXVIII - Feb 10th

Today I job shadowed at the local high school and for the second week in a row it was a great experience. There has been no glaring red flags telling me not to do this profession, which is the important part. I'm almost done with my required observation hours but I feel like afterwards I will want to observe another teacher to compare and contrast experiences.

Also, I want to point out that over the past few weeks I think I have begun to make real, set your roots in, friends. The type of people you can really count on and confide in. I think. I don't want to count my chickens but I have a good feeling about these people. Also, I forgot to mention that I made ammends of a year long quarrel with one of my best friends and I am working to fix that relationship, too. All that being said, I have work training in the morning and I am exhausted (almost typed obnoxious, either would have worked) SO to sleep I go.

Thanks for reading and supporting me, my friends and family. Love you!

XXVII - 2/9

Thursday started crappy - got a speeding ticket, didn't hand in my homework - but it totally bounced back into a great day. Did great in my classes, talked to friends, did things for my family and the most important thing is I turned the one let down from the night before into gold. I wrote a new song called "Consolation Prize" which is legit my favorite song that I've written thus far. Henry Miller said, "the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature" and I will take it one further. The best way to overcome any let down is to put a creative/artistic spin on it. Don't let your shortcomings be the death of you.

XXVI - 2/8

The glory of this day was the fact that I went, played shows and hung with friends. You can never have enough of them. Yes. My family and my personal goals are most important in my life. But friends are a great factor as well and I'm so glad to be sharing my experiences with them. And I'm glad they are/they like my band. It's so awesome. That's all to write about Wednesday.

Sorry about the brevity. I need to catch up.

XXV - 2/7

Good golly miss molly. I am so behind on this thing. Like I always say. Doing things online is cool but when you have things in real life keeping you busy, your online life goes by the way side. I can't remember what happened on Tuesday... So I'll just sum it all up with, keeping busy is important. I think it's a band name or a song title or something but I really like the phrase "I won't die defeated." I'll quote Galaxy Quest when I say "Never give up, never surrender" and I truly believe that. There was a long time when I did not believe that. But I can tell you that I am for real a believer that you must fight for everything you want. Which leads me to my inspirational phrase, "Be unstoppable"

For the past 5 years I've been accepting people telling me I can't do this and things like that. Well, I decided to stop that and pursue the answers I want. It's not always easy but you know, I'm doing it. And, oddly enough, my friend just showed me a great video that has a lot to do with what I was JUST typing. It's about being successful.

I've gone days without sleeping. I only eat when I really have to. I'm getting out on my dreams and making it all happen. Right now I am caught between being a fulltime student, working on becoming a teacher and getting my new band off the ground and you know what, I am loving every minute of it.

XXIV - 2/6

So. I am behind on my writing this morning I will fix that. On the 6th, day after the superbowl... I'm trying to remember all that happened but at the moment it's kind of blank. Probably nothing too exciting. But what I have noticed is that, yes. You need plans in your life. You need to have goals. But also, you need to live for today. Don't look at the past and get sad. The past is a guidebook of what NOT to do, and in some circumstances, what to do. What you need to do is to take your past as lessons learned and not regrets. I think that is the first step to being happy. You don't dwell on or live in the past. You can't change the past so move towards making the future better.

XXIII - Feb 5

Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday. The greatest part of it was that I hung out with people with my family all day and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Had some drinks, made some jokes... It was great. One of the keys to living a positive life is keeping positive people around you. If people are just going to bring you down, YOU DON'T NEED THEM. Seriously. Just let them go. There is no point being so upset over someone else. I know that is inevitable. But seriously, try. It's my new philosophy and by keeping positive people in my life, I am doing great. :)

Time to shower.

XXII - Feb 4

Well, the big news about the 4th was that where I've been working since November is basically revamping and it looks like I'll be unemployed again. Which is swell, but I am actually having no problem being positive about the change. The only negativity I am feeling is just anger and frustration that I was not informed about this before I was already unemployed, ya know?

Sorry. I meant to write this on the 5th but my family threw an impromptu Super Bowl party that kicked butt. I was recap that tomorrow. For now, I need to snuggle in bed and sleep. Night!

XXI - Feb 3

So yesterday was a roller coaster. I did some observation hours for my teaching class. It was great. I think I would know how much I enjoyed it more by actually doing it, but just from watching the teacher I was with all day, I really think I will enjoy teaching. But the bad part was when my dad slipped in the bathroom and then we spent 2+ hours in the ER to find out he just bruised and scrapped his foot. Needless to say I was a wreck. I know it wasn't a terrible situation. But it could have been.

When I first saw my dad have his first stroke in a hospital back when I was a freshman in high school, it scarred me from hospitals. I went but I really didn't like it and going into hospitals always freaked me out. And then, with my mom's ordeal this past summer, I'm wary on hospitals again. But last night, I went to the ER with dad, my sister and brother-in-law. I felt like I needed to. I was very nervous. Everything is ok, which is the positive to take from that situation. It was just scary.

Also, This has to do with today, but since it's not even noon yet I'll just mention it. We got rid of our new puppy today. I really liked this puppy but the problem is, and the reason we had to give him away, is that we have a lot of kids in our house and the puppy was very very rough. We got him very young, like before he SHOULD have been taken away from his mom and we feel like that messed him up developmentally. We're going to get another dog I was just a little bummed by it but believe me I know it was for the best.

That's all I have for now. I'm working tonight (woo) so I will post tomorrow morning.

XX - Feb 2

Yesterday and last night were full of things that were amazing. We look at school and I'm please to inform you that I got a perfect score on both my first speech for my oral communications class and a perfect score on my first quiz for world religion. Boom.

The biggest event of yesterday was my first show with my new band, Day Becomes Night. This was my first show playing guitar and singing lead so I was very nervous. On top of that, it was my first show in 1 + years. Looking back on the performance, it definitely wasn't my strongest performance, I was obviously nervous on guitar but the band received compliments. Me, personally, on my stage presence and humor and the audience, made up of other songwriters and my sister/brother-in-law, said they liked the groove and feel of our music. I write a mix of ska/punk/pop-punk music with a hip-hop aspect, in case you were wondering. If I am being perfectly honest, I can't put our acoustic band in a genre. Not yet.

All in all, last night was definitely a success and we are playing another show next week in St. Augustine. Just trying to get the rust off and get comfortable on stage and get the name out. Now I am about to take my nieces and nephew to school where I will begin my observation hours, one step closer to being a teacher. Have a great day, everyone. :)

XiX - 1st of February

So, today is significant for a few reasons. 1 - I am now 22 days away from being 22. 2 - I've been sharing my positivity with the world for 19 days. 3... Ok, I can't think of another reason. But. I worked today, made some money and above all, I'm one day closer to my first show in 1+ year. I'm really excited. I'm anxious and nervous as well. I hope I do well.

Also, speaking of the band, I wrote a bunch of people in order to play some Relay For Life's in the area and it is looking good. Since my mom passed away from lung cancer and my dad is a prostate cancer survivor, this would be amazing if I could play all of the ones I asked about. A great memorial. I'm working on a song for my mother, too. But I haven't gotten it yet. But I have a few covers I'd play for her. The first would definitely be "One Step At A Time" by Four Year Strong. Actually, I want lyrics from that song tattooed on my body. I want them to be wrapped around a yellow rose for my mom. I dunno where though.

Another song would be "Cricket" by Dancehall Crashers, just a sweet song. And finally would be Proud by Have Nots, a song I was in the process of learning in her memory too. The song I'm working on is called "The Strength I Have"

Anyway, I should go to bed for school tomorrow. Good night, blog readers :)

XVIII - Jan 31

So yesterday I went to class, had band practice and came home. But on the positives, I started seriously planning my observation hours at the high school which I am so excited about. I am also excited about what my band (which is me and my friend on guitars) has been practicing for. Which is our first show. I can't wait. I will continue this in today's post.

Post XVII - Jan 30

SO today was pretty relaxed and quiet until about 9 o'clock when I did something I don't usually do... I went out with people and had a good time. Who knows, this might be the start of something new.

That last bit made me sound pretty pathetic. What I mean is that I have friends down in Florida, but most of them are just like... talk in class, text outside of class and do nothing else. Well, tonight wasn't one of those nights and it was awesome and that's really all I have to say.

Gotta get to bed. Have a great night, world.

P.s. I say world because apparently people from Russia read my blog?! Frickin' awesome. Show yourselves!

Post XVII - Jan 29

So, today continued an amazing family filled weekend, went to the park with everyone. Dad, Sue, Ray, Kids... did a bunch of stuff, had a great day. I've been thinking about things. And the number one thing I've been pondering is... if all I am concerned about what makes me happy and how things affect me...does that make me selfish. And I concluded, yes. And I don't know how much that bothers everyone... but I do put others into consideration but the end result, the most important factor is me. And I'm sorry if that bothers anyone. But I've been thinking this way for a month or two now and you know, it's the happiest I've been in years.

That being said. Have a great week, everyone. More philosophy tomorrow. For now, sleep.

Post XVI - January 28, 2012

So, reflecting on yesterday. I spent the ENTIRE day with my sister, brother-in-law and their friends. We went to an art festival and then ended the night playing Michigan rummy. Something that I want to point out is that my sister and I have had some really big fights in the past and since my mom passed away we really came together and have been working together seamlessly. Really, we had one or two big fights but we work so well together it is almost scary. And all in all, it was nice just to hang out and relax with her for a day. We don't do it a lot but it was nice to do it for once. So, that was my positive moment for yesterday :)

Day XV - Jan 27

Today was very relaxing, deposited money (yay) and just hung out. But I just wanna think about some of the people in my life right now. This one goes to all the people in CT that havent forgotten about me over the past several years that I have been gone. The ones that still text me or IM me or comment on my facebook or check this blog on a regular basis. It's true friends like you guys that make me smile on a daily basis. So, thank you for keeping me in your life. It means a lot :)

I'm gonna crawl in bed and watch Boy Meets World. Text me up :)

XIV - 1/26

So yesterday was a good day overall but the biggest thing was going to see an amazing concert. 5 bands for 15 dollars all acoustic and intimate. Just amazing. I really love music. I am able to connect with songs so personally. It is a great art form. Some songs that I really loved last night were "Pinky Swear" and "Augusta, Georgia" by Into It. Over It., and "Blame It On Bad Luck" and "Killing Time" by Bayside. Just great songs. Great guys too. I met 3 of them after the show, took pictures... just great. Also, a friend of mine came to the concert with me, which hasn't happened since I've been in Florida -- I end up going to concerts alone. But it was nice. I can't wait for the next concert I plan to attend which is a band called The Wonder Years and their albums "The Upsides" and "Suburbia" really got me through my hard time from August through November. So, yes. Yesterday was great. In an hour or two I will write an entry about today. So stay tuned. :)

XIII - Jan 25

Ok. So today was pretty relaxing and chill, yet busy and productive. The highlight being that I am just waiting on my assignment to begin my observation hours in the local high school, one step closer to becoming a teacher.

I realize that this year WOULD have been my graduation year form college had things gone according to plan. And usually that thought would upset me. But now I am seeing the world with new eyes. I have been able to do somethings that few people will ever say that they have done. I was in a touring rock band, I was an extra in a movie, I road tripped up and down the east coast, I get PAID to see concerts, I've met some amazing people, I've grown so much as a person... and yeah, I'm sure things would be much different if I was still there, some for better and for worse, but I can't say that I totally mind not graduating this spring. I've learned so much in the past 3 years or so that a college classroom wouldn't be able to. I really came to terms with who I am this past year and, though I'm still figuring it all out, I'm much more accepting of who I am and what I want and how I want to get it. The world is mine. Now it's time to go get it.

The only thing that I feel, with all my friends from my first college getting their real jobs in order is that I am now anxious to get my life there, too. I can't wait to start teaching and work on getting my masters and maybe even my doctorate.

Another thing I wanna touch on is that when I woke up this morning I saw someone's status on facebook about no longer wanting to date younger guys cause they are immature and don't want to settle down and they just want to play games and I'm thinking...well... YEAH! You're only young once. You should go out and experience as much of life as you WANT to before you can't. That's why I am actually ok with being single right now. I don't have the time or energy to devote to one person to the extent of being a girlfriend. Granted, I am still ok with flirting and even not serious dating... but I don't want to be tied down, right now. This is a big change from what I've wanted my whole life, and even a year ago... and even 6 months ago. I may have feelings for a person but I am not acting on them because right now, my priorities are myself, my goals, my dreams, my education and my family. And if you aren't supporting of that... then GET OUT of my life. I seriously feel like I am on the verge of taking over the world and believe me. It is coming!

Big day tomorrow., time to rest up. Remember, people. Get out on your dreams! Good night and good luck.

Day XII - Jan 24, 2012

"I can't do this all on my own, no I know that I'm no superman." - Lazlo Bane - Superman

I put that as today's inspirational quote because it is so true. No man is an island. I think the people around help so much but I think their negativity can really bring you down. Be sure keep the people that will help you achieve your dreams and keep the negativity out.

Today was bittersweet. I had class which was good but after my classes, I found out that my dad's sister, my aunt passed away last week. It was upsetting for me but even more upsetting for my dad. She was his only sibling and now that his parents have passed and his sister has and his wife... my dad is the last one. And that straight up shows me what strength and determination can do and why I will never give up on myself, my friends, my family or my dreams. You see, both of my parents overcame great odds with their health. I get very emotional when I talk about my mom so I'm going to talk about my dad right now. You see, my dad has had several massive strokes, a heart attack, seizures, pneumonia and more since 2004 (about). At one point, his vitals were zero in an ambulance and he came back. He has had all these odds against him but he is still here. He is the strongest man I know and my inspiration.

So, my aunt passed away, my dad was very sad today since he just found out, yet still... there was good that came from today. I got hired for two shifts over the next two shifts which means more money. My acoustic band, named "Day Becomes Night" finally practiced and we solidified a setlist for our first show next week. This is the first time I will EVER be playing guitar in front of an audience. I am excited and nervous but it will be great, I hope to have many pictures for you. Also, my sister is putting in a garden at our new house and she is very excited about that, which makes me happy.

All in all, today was a good day. Sad for my dad but even he managed to rise above it.

I will say. That last spring I lost a dear friend of mine from the University of Hartford, last June I was with my girlfriend at the time when her grandmother passed, August my mom passed away and now in January my aunt passed. These have been my first experiences with death so closely and so real and I gotta tell ya, I don't care for it. I know it's a part of life. But I'm just not a fan.

I miss my mom a lot. I think about her a lot. I wish I could talk to her again. Sometimes I convince myself that she is only gone for a little and will come back and things will be like they always were. I know that's impossible but, gee it would be great.

It is times like these that I take a second and think about all the amazing people I have in my life, and HAVE had in my life. Such amazing people, like my mother, and my aunt, and the list is endless and I just think, when you are surrounded by so much good and can find the beauty in the negative spaces, how can you be upset. I mean, yes I'm sad that my mom isn't here but at the same time, I get so happy to know that... she WAS here. I met her. I knew how great of a person she was and through that I will be able to always remember her. Maybe this is just hogwash, but it is what I believe.

Thanks for reading again. Salutations :)

100 Days Positive - Day XI

So today was a big test. I made a mistake and lost something my family needs. And I have no idea where it wound up. And it bummed me out. But I thought of the positives and made my day significantly better. Dude. This week is gonna be awesome. Class tomorrow, then band practice, nothing Wednesday, then thursday, more class, band practice and then seeing the Where's the Band? Tour... so stoked. Time for bed now. Remember, nothing is "too much" unless you let it be. Stay positive, folks. Smile. Laugh. Love you all!

Does anyone even read this anymore?

Post X - Jan 22

Today was a pretty relaxing day. Just hung out with the family, played with the little kids...just good stuff. I don't really have a lot to say right now. I'm just feeling great and I feel like I can accomplish great things this year. And I will.

Post IX - Jan 21

So I worked 2 jobs yesterday. But first I woke up, deposited my check (nice) then drove to work, worked my first job blah blah. Some highlights of my day... first a co-worker told me that my supervisor also barbacks at a bar across the street and that they are looking for a new barback. So after the first job, I went, filled out an application and things look good though I'm not getting my hopes up.

Then the second job started. I was barbacking at the Bad Habit Lounge again, this time, Fuel was playing. It was a great show, I really love the club I work at and the people I work with, it's great. The only reason I'm trying to get another barback gig is because I am in such a need for money and I've only been working BHL once a week and my wallet and bank accounts are crying.

Speaking of which. I got paid for the club last night, made good money. I will deposit that tomorrow. Also taking dad to the doctors. I think that is all I have to report. I mean, I'm being positive because old me would be so depressed about being broke. But now... I'm just working through it. Cheers :)

Post VIII - 1/20/12

"It is not things that are disturbing but your view of things which are disturbing."

I don't know who originally said the above quote. But my psychology professor said it a lot last semester. This post is dedicated in large part to all my friends. They are great people and I love them a lot but since I've had my "positivity epiphany" I feel like I need to be preachy and hopefully help them reach the same sentiment that I have reached. Does life suck? Do events make us sad? Or! Is it our perception of all these things what makes them so negative. A word is just a word. But in context and with a human made definition the word means so much more. The same thing can be applied with life events. It's like they say, when one door closes, another opens. Did you lose your job? Or were you given the opportunity to follow a new path in life? Yes, upon being fired or laid off, you may be panicked and frenzied not knowing how you are going to come up with the necessary money to live your life but the sun will come out tomorrow and if not, you'll survive a cloudy day too.

I know about bad days. And months. And even years. But I'm still here. There are two ways to live your life. Focus on the positives and see everyday as a new opportunity to succeed and improve OR focus on the negatives and not give yourself, or your life, a break. Bad things happen. But if you focus on that there is no where to go.

A little more philosophy tonight. Keep shining on, folks. Tomorrow is another day to knock 'em dead :)

Post VII- 1/19/12

Oh lord. Almost forgot to post a blog tonight! Well. Today was class and that was about all that happened.. Oh! And my acoustic band, Day Becomes Night, got booked for a show (which will be our first) on February 2nd in Daytona Beach. It will be my first show in over a year AND it will be my first show EVER performing guitar. And I am so excited. That's all to report. Working 10 to 7 tomorrow. I leave you with some words of wisdom...

"Find something that you love, and spread it like wildfire. There is such thing as a perfect world but without each other, it does not exist. There is such a thing as happiness and this is it." - Joe Ragosta (one of my true inspirations, musically and as a person.)

Have a good night everyone.

Post VI - January Eighteenth Two Thousand Twelve

First question I pose to you today: "How long will I be able to go until I reach a roman numeral that I do not know?"
Second: "Doesn't the date look weird written long form?"

So today was pretty relaxed. I watched my two year old niece and few month old nephew while my sister was at the hospital getting tests done, don't know the full result yet but so far so good. That is something to be positive about. I also picked up my first school book and I am about to do my first homework assignments of the semester after I write these things down. That was my entire day.

Oh! I also woke up to a phone call from the temp agency I work for asking me to work on Friday and Saturday...which means more money, which makes me happy. I like waking up to those calls. I hate waking up to debt collectors. They suck. But whatcha gonna do?

Alright, well. Time to listen to music and read about public speaking. Goodnight!

1/17/12 Pt. 2

Just a quick note. In my speech class today we were told to stand up in front of the class and talk about something we had with us that meant a lot. I said my phone, made a few jokes, whatever. But something that really just opened my eyes was this 16 year old girl that stood up. Yes, Daytona let's high schoolers in college classes and they're annoying. She came up with a set of car keys and said that her "best friend" her "daddy" bought her a brand new car for her 16th birthday and without it she wouldn't be able to get anywhere and do anything.

Few things. I didn't get my own car until I was over 18 and even now I still share my sister's car (my fault but whatever). The big thing that I wanted to point out is that my parents weren't wealthy. They made sure I never went without but couldn't afford to buy my lavish cars like a 2012 Lexus. Yes, they did buy me all 3 cars that I have had. A 1992 Infiniti G20, a 1998 Ford Mustang and a 1999 Kia Sportage. My point is... I work hard for what I have. Yes, my parents have gotten me a lot of stuff over time but it just seems to fail in comparison to a brand new car for her 16th birthday and it made me realize that I want to make sure to work hard and earn everything I get because without the hard work and the struggle, you don't appreciate it. That's all I wanted to say. See you tomorrow. :)

Post V - 1/17/12

Hey all. Today was the start of another semester for me at Daytona State College and let me tell ya, I am very optimistic about this. Maybe it is just the new "positive" outlook that I have on my life, but... last semester I got a 3.87 and I'm feeling very confident that I could get the perfect game, 4.0. It'll be a lot of work but then again... everything worth having IS a lot of hard work.

So, thanks to a lot of paperwork problems... I can only take 3 classes this semester but it works out. They're are going to be A LOT of work. First I had Intro to the teaching profession and let me tell you, I'm really interested in this. He talked about various teaching incentives and it made me more stoked to take on this career path. Also, some clerical error lead to some early bonding with my classmates and let me tell you... being a male in a mostly female class has it's advantages... :)

Anyway, next class is World Religions and a cute girl from the teaching class was in it and we got there early so we just talked for a while, which was nice. We'll see what happens with that. Stay tuned. Then there was speech.. All in all the day was good and I'm looking forward to learning a lot in the classes. Also, I put in my whopping 90something dollars from work at the club this weekend in the bank which allowed me to buy one of my text books. The other one will be bought when I get my pay check Friday and THEN I work at the club on Saturday for Fuel and will make more $$. Needless to say, I'm excited for the money.

Also, I just want to point out that I don't know what was the catalyst, maybe my positivity blog, but I re-connected with an old friend recently and I gotta say. It is very nice :)

Alright. I'm gonna go play some X-box and enjoy my night. You should too! Goodnight!

Post IV - Some philosophy

So this may or may not count as today's post. We shall see. Over the past 4+ years, my life has not been very great. I was kicked out of school cause I couldn't afford it because after my dad got sick, we lost a source of income and needed to pay all those medical bills and my family had to relocate to Florida, away from all my friends and anyway... I was no longer going to University of Hartford where I made a lot of friends, etc. Over the next 4 years my life was a roller coaster but overall just kept getting worse. This all culminated when my mom passed away in August. My mom and I were very close and after she passed I just went numb. I didn't feel the pain but my mentality and all was just going somewhere very dark. I wasn't suicidal or anything I just didn't enjoy anything. Then, I saw a concert with Big D and the Kid's Table and it quite possibly was the beginning of the turn around for me. Something about the concert and the energy was just... soothing. I even talked to the lead singer Dave after the show and it all just helped.

After the concert, I re-evaluated my life. My mom, over the course of a week went from obviously sick, but undiagnosed and with us to passed away. My DAD, in an instant went from completely fine to paralyzed stroke victim. Life is totally unexpected and unpredictable.

My dad always told me that it takes a second to get sick and a lifetime to get better. There's that song that goes "live like you're dying" and... I always misunderstood them all. I realize now, and this is the philosophy part, that I could die tomorrow. Why would I want my last day on Earth to be a day when I am depressed and sad? Instead, let all the insignificant stressors just roll off your back, don't pay them attention and enjoy your life. Secondly, you can't change the world and the more you think you can and it fails will just upset you. Instead, change the world's effect on you. You could sweat the small things or prioritize everything. Is it really the end of the world if your girlfriend breaks up with you? No. Sure it sucks. Especially if you've been together for awhile and you thought she was that "one." But really. You'll get by. Now, most things that would have upset me previous to this just don't bother me. True, I did have one day where I got really bogged down cause I was out of money, not working and had things to pay but I got myself out of it. I'm not perfect. But I'll try.

This is just part of my philosophy. More to come another time. :)

Post III - Jan 15 2012

So. Today I woke up early for work, which is weird cause usually I wake up late because I just love the snooze button. But not today. I woke up, got dressed, was met by my dad who has been in a much better mood after my sister and I talked to him, I gave him his medicine, we sat and talked about work and then I left to get ready more. I also let my puppy, Tipsy, out, gave him water and then put him back to bed and then left for work. Work was lame but lucrative so I can't hate.

At 6, when I was scheduled to leave, I called the supervisor about that and he asked me to stay til 9:30. I need the money so I said yes. This next part is pretty cool. Earlier in the day, a deaf lady pulled up to me asking directions. I've NEVER had to communicate with a deaf person before and it was such an interesting experience. First off, to be completely blind and/or deaf must suck so much. But! I think the way these people adapt is inspiring. This lady read my lips and I directed her to her final destination. She seemed so grateful that I took the time to explain things for her and it really warmed me inside. So anyway... when I went to dinner (at the BK lounge ;)) I ordered a tendercrisp meal but when I tried to pay with my card but it got declined... So instead I asked for a sandwich and a value drink (free refills baby!) well, the clerk already handed me the medium cup and didn't swap it out. So, I got my drink and waiting for my sandwich. Well, I THINK it was an accident but I'm not so sure, the lady threw in a value fry too. Which was awesome :) So I got a full meal for like...2 bucks cheaper. Karma. Do good things, good things happen.

So... I believe that's mostly all I've got for today... I'm very tired so I know I'm missing things. Oh! One thing before signing off. The 100 Days Positive was an idea brought to me by my friend Zach Neil. And today on Facebook he wrote the following:

"To all of us who are spreading positivity, looking at our lives with optimism, and not hoping for a better existence but instead making a better existence, we will be rewarded! Those who know the world is theirs will have it."

This sums up how I feel. I recently told an upset friend that you can't change the world but you can change how it effects YOU. Things will only upset you if you let them. You NEED to rise above them. I hope she did. I hope you do too. Stay smiling. I think tomorrow I'm going to share a bit of my philosophy with you fine, lovely people. 

Good night!

Post 2 - January 14, 2012

So yesterday involved me working 2 jobs which I've noticed that people like to complain about. Long hours, lots of standing... I say... hey! So many Americans are unemployed, I have bills today, I'll do whatever I need to do. I worked at a parking garage, directing traffic from 10 to 7 and then had a quick break to eat a grilled cheese with bacon and tomato from the Earl Street Grill. It was awesome!

Then it was second job time. I work as a barback at a rock club called The Bad Habit Lounge in Daytona Beach. The show was The Supervillians, a ska/reggae band from Florida that I had previously seen on tour with Reel Big Fish and The English Beat. Back then, I was NOT very impressed with them, actually a little annoyed by them. But this show was awesome! They were just amazing and gave me a lot of ideas for the new ska band I am forming (speaking of which, while working I wrote a lot of lyrics for some new songs).

So the biggest positive from the night was making $140 in cash from tips at the bar. Very nice. Alright. Now to write another blog about today. :)

Post 1 - Jan 13, 2012

Well, today started different than usual, my house was almost completely empty. Usually my house, which is occupied by 12 total people, is busy and people are everywhere. But today, the children were at school and my sister and brother-in-law and the two babies were out at a flea market for the day. So I made a cup of coffee and sat down to finish watching "Crazy, Stupid Love," which I had been trying to watch for the past week but finally was able to.
While watching, my dad woke up. My dad has suffered several strokes over the past several years and he is paralyzed on his left side and relies on the rest of us for a lot. Well, today dad was not in the best of moods. He snapped at me a few times in the morning for not getting something from the store that he wanted, I told him I would go get it when the school kids came home.
After that, the kids came home, I caught up on the one episode of Big Bang Theory that I had missed and thoroughly enjoyed it. I then made myself lunch and got dressed to go to the store. I then went outside to the car to realize that it wasn't there because my sister was using it. I go into tell him that we had to wait a little longer and that was the last straw. He fought with me and my 17 year old niece and tempers really flared.
Around 5:30 my sister came home, she and her husband went to talk to dad while I went to the store. All in all we talked everything through with dad and HOPEFULLY the drama is done for a while.
We then had dinner, I got my hair cut by my brother-in-law and then I showered to get ready for work tomorrow. I'm actually working 2 jobs tomorrow and making a bunch of money and getting paid to see a concert of a band that I really like, so I'm excited. This is the start of this blog so. I'll see you guys tomorrow! :)